Validation, Judgment, and the Grace of Letting Others Be

We’re all out here screaming into the void, seeking validation from strangers who don’t even know our story.

And you know what? That’s perfectly human.

We are social creatures, hardwired to show and tell others about what makes us happy. We exist in community, and sharing our experiences is fundamental to human nature. We need to be seen, understood, validated.

What’s wild is how we judge others for doing exactly what we do - just differently.

The woman posting her wins? Maybe she grew up in a house where nothing was ever enough.

The person sharing every thought? Maybe silence was used as a weapon against them.

The one seeking constant approval? Maybe they learned love was conditional on performance.

I can also see the person who grew up being allowed to be terrible - the one who never had boundaries, who learned they could terrorize others because no one ever said no. The trolls, the cruel ones, the people with superiority complexes who think others are beneath them.

We come from millions of different families, thousands of cultures, countless varieties of trauma and triumph. What heals you might harm me. What feels authentic to you might feel performative to me.

The most powerful thing we can do? Stop parenting other adults.

Unless someone asks for your help, let them figure out their own path. We forever parent each other, often unnecessarily. We force ourselves into other people’s spaces, forgetting they’re not children. This forced mentality about how others should live can actually prevent people from pursuing their dreams and living authentically.

When we give people space to be themselves without our judgment, they stop walking around anxious about meeting everyone else’s standards. We remove the crushing weight of having to live up to everyone else’s expectations.

My brain processes so many different perspectives and understands each of them and their points. Someone can be genuinely seeking validation AND be perfectly healthy doing that. Someone can be struggling AND still deserve autonomy over how they handle that struggle. We can care deeply about someone AND respect their right to live differently than we would.

Trolls gonna troll. Some people will always be difficult. Even when we can see and understand these behaviors, we still don’t get to police them. At the end of the day, why do you feel that person is doing what they’re doing? You’re still projecting what you think that person may be feeling. You have to have enough love and care for yourself to know that you shouldn’t allow yourself to feel some type of way because of somebody else’s behavior.

Your way of healing isn’t THE way. It’s just YOUR way.

There are billions of us here, each carrying our own history. The idea that there’s one correct way to process life, seek connection, or grow? That’s wrong and can become dangerous.

Real wisdom is seeing every perspective, understanding the full spectrum of human behavior, and still choosing grace over judgment. When we allow people to be comfortable in their own skin, we create space for authentic relationships based on mutual respect rather than attempted control.

Trust that other people are exactly as capable as you are of running their own lives - even when you don’t like how they’re doing it.

We are unique individuals deserving of the grace to make our own decisions, learn our own lessons, and find our own paths. This fundamental respect for human autonomy means we care more skillfully, not less.

There is no one way to be human. There never has been. There never will be.

And that includes the difficult people too.

What would change if we all just… let people be?